A crowded Malta-London flight was cancelled. She was the lone attendant in charge of re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?" she began. With her voice being heard clearly throughout the terminal, she said, "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can
take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking
for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung
out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in
four weeks.'
A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can
take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both
looking for work in two weeks.'
The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can take an
A-hole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the
country looking for work within twenty-four hours!'

Murphy applied for a fork lift operator job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Pole applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the Pole the job."

Murphy, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions roite. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

Murphy, "Tell me now, and how would one incorrect answer be better than another?"

Manager, "Simple, on question number 7 the Pole wrote down, 'I don’t know' and you put down, ‘Neither do I’.

De Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Is, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath, "Pepe... Go back man, you was right, Ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it?"

"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees


Ees


Ees


Ees


Ees a ham bush...."